Exactly 2 years ago today was my last normal day. I remember it as if it were yesterday…. a beautiful Saturday- it was like the perfect spring day. It had rained for days and it was finally sunny!! We worked outside and were finally getting our landscaping started!! We reflected on how far we had come in the last year with the house renovation and life in general.
Earlier in the day I had texted with Alec -he was adulting and doing his thing. Chase and Layla were here and we trying to figure out where to eat dinner. Life was good. No worries…. until Alecs dad called about 5:30 wandering if we knew where he was…. That was the moment our search for him began and lasted for 9 long days. That was the moment my life was forever changed.
As a parent, many of us can remember losing our toddler for a few seconds in target – or maybe that was only me? Anyway, Those 10 seconds felt like 10 hours- imagine 9 days of not knowing where your child is? Is he alive or dead? Hurt? Kidnapped? Living his best life with his secret “go bag” and false identity…. each day my mind created new scenarios. Some were even comical. Not knowing was so hard, and In all honesty it could be the hardest thing I have ever experienced….. yes, even harder than knowing he is gone for eternity.
At least now I know he is safe. I know he is in the arms of Jesus and that I will see him again. I know he is cheering us all on down here each and every day. I imagine him hanging out with friends playing guitar and skateboarding like a boss!! I know he is happy. I know he is whole. I know today they celebrate his angel day in the heavens with glory….. that’s why I tell myself not to be sad. I know he’s living his best life.
But, each day I continue to miss him more than I did the day before…. Just like my love grows a little more for my people each day, so do my feelings for my son. He is still a huge part of me and who I am, that will never cease to exist. Life will never be the same without him…. but I will keep going….. and will never stop loving him, missing him or talking about him. In his short 24 years here with me, he impacted me for a lifetime, more than anyone ever could. For that that- I am blessed. For him I am grateful.
May the 4th be with you ….. the last words I said to him… I think they were ever so fitting!! May the 4th be with you my sweet child. I will love you for ever, for ever my baby you will be